BLOG-stipated again!

Kind of frustrating really. I had just given myself to the concept of writing a whole heap of shit that the whole world can read, but most likely won’t. A stream of crap (apparently not flowing too freely) that bears no philosophical meaning; that fails to serve any purpose, but to take it’s rightful place on the information super highway.

In fact the only people who will probably ever get anything out of this blog will be those whose lives are so uninteresting that they occupy their time by complaining about… well everything. I guess at least I will be giving them something to do. But make no mistake. Whinge all you want. I won’t give a flying rats clacker.

OK then, so why am I writing this blog? Well deep down I really want people to think I am funny. I actually enjoy providing people with entertainment. I don’t care if they like me. I don’t care if they hate me. I just want them to laugh at what I say. So part of the reason why I have nothing to write about, is because I don’t want to write it unless I think it’s funny. Let me clarify that last statement. Unless I think it’s funny. I don’t even care if you don’t think it’s funny. But if I do, then there is a slim chance other people will too.

There are many ways to entertain someone. Singing, for example. In case anyone who can help me out is reading this, I am willing to sacrifice any number of testicles (my own included) for the opportunity to stand in front of 70,000 people and have them all repeat anything I say. No I am not talking about getting everyone to admit in unison that they are an alcoholic. Although I am sure it would be possible to get 70,000 to admit they are an alcoholic, and not be lying. I am talking about being a rock star.

In 1991 I attended the single largest concert that, to date, had ever been held in the southern hemisphere. I am referring to the Guns ‘N’ Roses: Use Your Illusion tour held at Eastern Creek Raceway in Sydney. Absolutely fantastic day. It was almost like a big day out. Five hard rock bands spanning about 8 hours worth of entertainment. And at the time Gunners were, without a doubt, my favourite band. Until that day anyways. Their performance sucked. They came on late. Their set was cut short. Axl didn’t speak to us once. Duff and Slash were really good, but limited in crowd participation. Anyways I digress.

Skid Row. Until that day in 1991, I thought of Sebastian Bach as a pounsey glam rocker with more interest in how shiny his hair was, than how entertained his fans were. I still remember the first time I saw the “I Remember You” film clip. Man that chick singing that song was HOT! Oops…it’s a bloke. Did I just say that or think it?!

Either way, I was wrong about him. There were two events that made that concert one of the most memorable days in my adolescent life:
1. While we were waiting for Gunners to get their arses out and earn the money we were paying them, a plane flew over with a banner reading “Metallica: March 23” or whatever date it was. And;
2. Sebastian Bach getting 70,000 people all to stand up, in unison, and jump up and down on the spot. Man that would have been unreal to see from the stage. And why did we all do it? Just cos Sebastian Bach said so? Pretty much. Even I, who really didn’t like him prior to that night, was in awe of the power he wielded.

I want to be that man. I don’t want your money. I don’t want you lining up to ask if you can place my penis in your mouth. I can take it or leave it. But to know that I have given 70,000 a reason to smile….what a rush. Umm did I just say ‘I can take it’ in reference to inserting a penis? Oh well. I guess you know what I am trying to say.

There’s only one problem with becoming a rock star. Well two actually. The first one is that I am ugly. So straight away I am not really going to make it as a performer. The other is the fact that I can’t sing for shit so once again, at least as a rock star, I am not going to make it in the business. Now that I think about it there are quite a large number of reasons that I am never going to be famous. But today I am not going to list them. I just said I want to make you laugh. What I don’t want, is your pity. That, by definition, would make me pitiful.

Ok so we have established that I will never be famous. Thanks for your input on that. But maybe, I can still make 70,000 people laugh just once. Doesn’t all have to be at the same time. And really I will probably never know it. Yeah…meh.

Anyways it was good to unclog the pipes again. And It’s a legitimate excuse to visit my own blog and up that vist counter by another 1.