Stupid Chain E-Mails

For the life of me, I can’t understand why so many people still think chain e-mails need to be forwarded on. Every time I receive a chain e-mail I am disappointed. Why? Because I load up my Outlook and hit the ‘Send/Receive’ button, and…YAY…I am getting an e-mail.

Even more exciting. It’s from Happy Harry Hardon or some other address I haven’t heard from in months. I wonder what Harry has to say today. And then comes the disappointment. It’s just one of those stupid chain e-mails.

So what was the excitement of hearing from an old friend has quite rapidly turned to disappointment and, to some extent, resentment. My initial feeling of self worth, that someone was actually thinking of me and decided to say hello. The anxious anticipation that there would follow some fantastic news that Harry was getting married or having a baby and, as a result, is getting married.

Instead, not only was I not thought about as Harry copied in all of the 289 addresses in his mailing list. I was used because the friggin e-mail that he got from someone who he hasn’t heard from in months told him to send it to as many people as possible, or else some horrific disaster would occur. Furthermore, I am now stuck with the same dilemna. If I don’t forward this message onto at least 25 people, I am likely to spend the rest of eternity writhing in agony in the pit of damnation. Or worse still, I might have to spend the rest of eternity reading bloody chain e-mails.

Well thank you very fucking much Harry! As it so happens, I only have 24 addresses in my mailing list. So how the crap am I supposed to forward it on now?! I started to panic. I read the e-mail carefully. I was hoping I would stumble on some disclaimer or escape clause that would guarantee me safe passage. Well at least until the next chain e-mail came along. It read:

“Make a wish and forward this e-mail onto 25 people within 15 minutes. Warning – if you do not forward this e-mail on within 15 minutes of making your wish, the opposite of what you wish for will happen”

OK…this is good. I don’t have to forward this e-mail on until I have made a wish. So I will be safe at least until then, and I will have 15 minutes to act. Good…ok. Now think. Damn I just wish I had one more e-mail address. OH FUCK! I just made a wish. Great! Now I have 15 minutes to find a new e-mail address and get rid of this monkey on my back. Ironically, once I do get the new address and forward the message on, I will get one more address as my wish will come true.

What am I gonna do? Hang on. If I don’t forward the e-mail on, the opposite of what I wish for will happen. Interesting. So I sat back and waited.

Sure enough, 15 minutes came and went and I had not forwarded on the message. And you know the scariest thing? It was all true. The opposite of what I wished for had actually happened. I was so pissed off with Happy Harry Hardon, that while I was waiting for my world to come crashing down around me, I deleted his address from my mailing list. And now I have one less e-mail address.

Didn’t think of that one now did ya Harry…retard!