Double Fuck...

I'm not a real big man. I'm not an overly tough man. But I am a man. There's not much that scares me. Maybe the thought of losing a loved one, or even my house. But other than that I am pretty cruisy.

Except when it comes to snakes. I am shit scared of 'em. In fact I didn't realise just how scared of 'em I was until today. I have been living in Central Queensland for three years now, and apart from the reptile park and in glass enclosures, I have never seen a snake. In fact I still haven't. But today I went downstairs to put on a load of washing. There's a hornet that nests up in the floor boards under our bath tub and the laundry is in the area directly under the bathroom. You see, even the hornet doesn't worry me too much. I just keep an eye on it and if it's around I give it a wide birth.

Which is what I was doing as I was putting a load of washing on. I was just watching the hornet hover around. He was probably doing the same thing. Making sure I wasn't coming to destroy his home. Anyways a slight breeze comes up and behind him I see this foreign object swaying. Once my focus had switched I realised it was the skin of a five foot long [i think a brown] snake on the slatted area enclosing the under section of our house. So as you see, I have never actually seen the snake. And that scares me even more than if I had seen it. Cos now I am putting the washing on and thinking "where the fuck is it?". That's when a substantially larger breeze picks up. Blows about a dozen small bits of branch and seed pods out of the tree in the corner of the yard. So as I turn around, I am seeing a series of long slender, brown in colour, things moving in the grass.

I walked upstairs to tell my wife. I simply showed her how much my hand was shaking and instantly she knew it was a snake. We rang the 'after hours guy' who comes and gets rid of snakes for you. He refused to come out unless I actually saw the snake. So now I probably have a snake somewhere under my house just hangin' out and the only way i can get rid of it is to go looking for it. Usually in this situation someone always says "You know it's probably more scared of you than you are of it". Well I seriously fucking doubt that! I hate the damn things.