Promiscuous to a fault.

There is absolutely no denying that my best mate back home in Newcastle was a top notch bloke and quite the stud might I add. You know when you go out to a nightclub and there’s always two friends hanging out together (male or female) and one of them is always way better looking than the other? Well In our duo, I was the other. The interference man. My job was to sit back and watch in case one of his previous conquests ran across his current conquest. Towards the end of our “nightclub lifestyle” it was getting quite difficult as the collection of conquests surmounted quite rapidly.

With this guy everything came back to sex. Funnily enough everything you did was actually an indication of how good you were in bed. If you lost at a game of stick or playstation, it was because you had no dick. If you bought a light beer because you were driving, you had a small penis. I managed to put a flaw in his theory though. I bought a full strength beer. And despite his reasoning my penis remained the same size. Nonetheless he continued to rate myself and everyone around him in terms of our sexual prowess. I often wondered how he knew how good I was in bed when I didn’t even know.

Seriously though don’t get me wrong. He was a good bloke. Why else would I consider him my best mate? It’s just that sex was his obsession. And he was darn good at it too. I don’t know from personal experience, but I saw him treat woman after woman like dirt and then marvel at how every one of them still came back for more. Why? Cos they were getting a dickin they could not resist. And good on him too. Not everyone can say that they are really good at something.

The one thing that really worried me about this guy though was his sexuality. Again…there is absolutely no denying he liked women. He sampled many various specimens. But something tells me he was a little…how do you say it?...’bi-curious’. He never hit me up but I am assuming that is because he knew it was never gonna get him anywhere. My lack of sexual activity was not from a lack of trying. You see, some people play hard to get. I on the other hand am hard to want.

But I digress. When we were still quite young and neither of us had actually managed to pop our cherries, we would spend a great deal of time watching porno videos. No different to any other teenage boy I guess. I still remember this one line from a video we watched. “Bills Big Banana” I think it was called. I remember at one point the guy saying something along the lines of “I don’t know why I have such a big dick. I only get to use half of it.” I always thought that line was pretty funny.

Anyways I never really had any access to new pornos, but my mate seemed to manage to get hold of a new one every few weeks. And every time he got a new one he would call me up or just come over to show it to me. But we never actually sat down to watch the full video. For me they were frustrating. It was very much like dangling the carrot in front of the donkeys face. But I was hangin out with my best mate so it was cool. Problem was, as I said, we never watched the whole video.

He would come over and chuck the tape in the VCR. (Remember those things?) And then I would spend the next fifteen minutes watching as he scanned through to this one bit he wanted to show me. He would always say the same thing. "You’ve gotta see this. It’s unreal". So about 10 minutes later I have managed to see a few different staged scenarios of a guy and a woman fucking. I actually didn’t mind watching it in fast motion. When you’re watching a porno in fast motion the guys cum much quicker. Makes you feel like you don’t have so much of a problem with your staying power. Anyways fifteen minutes later he has found the bit he wants me to see. And EVERY SINGLE TIME, he ends up showing me some guys dick. Here I am thinking I am gonna see some massive tits or a woman with a champagne bottle up her ass…bottom end in first. Nope. Instead I just waited 15 minutes to see some guys penis. "I could have watched the first three minutes, spent my load and be on to my third game of pool by now. But thanks anyways. You've managed to really boost my ego by showing me a penis three times the size of my own. Only a true friend would be so kind."